1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after
years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was
the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the
ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker
to ask for a loan.
Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested.
"Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"
Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no
difference who you are."
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2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family
were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records
were destroyed in a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom
the Tells bowled.
were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records
were destroyed in a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom
the Tells bowled.
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3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted,
"Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded,
"Now now, settle down....you'll just have to be a little patient."
"Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded,
"Now now, settle down....you'll just have to be a little patient."
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4. Back in the 1800s the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts
wanted to produce other products, and since they already made
the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The
new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada
or Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the origin
of the expression:-- "He who has a Tate's is lost!"
wanted to produce other products, and since they already made
the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The
new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada
or Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the origin
of the expression:-- "He who has a Tate's is lost!"
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5. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the
medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took
out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief,
telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the
leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to
see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The
thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took
out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief,
telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the
leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to
see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The
thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
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6. Leif Ericsson, famous Viking explorer returned home from a
voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His
wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who
apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His
wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who
apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
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7. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one
slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.
All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy.
The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.
This just goes to prove that..... the squaw of the hippopotamus
is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
(Some of you may need help with this one. ie,google "Pythagorean
Theorem".)
slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.
All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy.
The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.
This just goes to prove that..... the squaw of the hippopotamus
is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
(Some of you may need help with this one. ie,google "Pythagorean
Theorem".)
